No, My Son Doesn't Sleep Through the Night--and I Still Love Him

Today, a well-meaning friend asked me a question about my 11 month old.  It is the same question that every parent is asked—and asked thousands of times by every relative, friend and nosy stranger at the grocery store. 

“Does he sleep through the night?”

I felt a bit of tension growing inside of me because I know all too well what my answer will mean to this person, because it means the same thing to most people.  In our culture, whether or not your child sleeps through the night at any age is somehow the one true indicator of whether you have a good or bad child.  Or, (gasp) whether you are a good or bad parent. 

So I, being a strong and honest woman, prepare to answer confidently.  Maybe this friend will understand. Maybe this friend will not offer advice for which I never asked, forcing me to be kind and pretend to be grateful even though I feel frustration and annoyance.  (For the record, acting kind and pretending to be grateful is difficult when you haven’t slept in over a year, but it can be done.)

No, my son does not sleep through the night.  In the 341 days of his life, he has slept entirely through the night 3 times.  For several weeks at one point, he consistently slept at least 6 hours before waking up.  Today, however, we are fortunate if he sleeps for one three-hour block each night.  Beyond that, he wakes every 60-90 minutes.  And of course, that means that I do, too. 

My friend was appalled.  She informed me that her children never did that.  And she wanted to make sure that I was no longer nursing him at night. 

Oh, but I do.  And I accept that responsibility.  It is not easy—sometimes it’s just plain overwhelming.  But it’s my decision to make, and I make decisions based on my instincts and what is best for my child.  I might not always be right but I guarantee that I am right more often than I am wrong.  Try me.

For me, my son and our entire family, what is working for us is for me to meet my son’s immediate needs.  If he’s hungry, I feed him.  If he cries because he’s lonely or scared, I comfort him.  I even rock and nurse him to sleep.  Feel free to explain to me that a boy his age doesn’t need to eat at night, or that I’m spoiling him or that I’m just continuing bad habits.  And then allow me to explain something to you.

July 30, 2011

I am not a little girl.  I am an intelligent woman who gave birth to a human being (and naturally, may I add).  He and I bonded before he ever took his first breath.  I am doing what I feel is best for him and for his well-being because that was my part of the agreement when I decided I wanted to be a Mother.  Nursing him gives him more than just milk.  It gives him comfort.  It gives him security.  It further strengthens our bond.  When I nurse him, I send his body positive energy and put well wishes into his world so that when he grows to be bigger and stronger than me, he will have happiness from within and a positive outlook on life.  When I nurse him, he isn’t thinking about how spoiled I am making him.  He’s thinking about how good it feels to have someone on which he can depend when he’s having a rough time.  He’s learning about trust and love and safety. 

In fact, just tonight when I was nursing him to sleep, I looked down at his sweet little body nestled into mine and saw true peace.  At one point, he let out a soft sigh, as if all was right in his world.  And I thought in that moment, “Shouldn’t we all feel this way, even just sometimes,” and I held him even closer.  What could be so wrong with that?

So no, my little guy doesn’t sleep through the night.  And he’s the best little guy I’ve ever known.